Sympathizing With Spinsters
by Hayden Days
Summary: Rukia has never been a fool for love, but sometimes you have to be a fool to be happy. Ichiruki


Sympathizing With Spinsters

Chapter 1: Number One, Wasn't Really Serious Cause We Were Much Too Young

Inspired by "Golden" by Aslyn

* * *

Rukia Kuchiki tapped her fingers against the desk; the long tiring lecture that her professor was currently torturing her with was excruciatingly boring. Finally, after deciding to rid herself of her bored state, she picked up her beloved Chappy mechanical pencil. She was incredibly proud of this pencil, seeing how it almost cost her an arm and a foot. Although, money shouldn't matter to her seeing how she came from the Kuchiki fortune, but still 917 yen was a lot of money for a pencil. She had to admit that despite the cost it was worth it, that cute look on Chappy's face was absolutely adorable and she continued to study the cartoon figure on the pencil.

She glanced up from her trance of Chappy to discover people packing up their items into their backpacks and she followed their example.

"Finally, that took forever," Rukia said cheerfully to herself.

"I know, huh," she felt someone place a hand on her head and ruffle her hair.

She looked over her shoulder to be greeted by a toothy grin and red, lots and lots of red. She sighed after confirming that it was indeed Abari Renji, her childhood friend that seemed to be obsessed with tribal tattoos seeing as they covered his entire body.

"You're going to regret that one day," she stated as she placed her final book into her bag and looked at her Chappy pencil bidding it a farewell until the next class.

"Regret what," one of his tattooed eyebrows shot up nearly touching the bandana that covered his large forehead and his drastic widow's peak.

"All those tattoos," Rukia shot him a look from the corner of her eyes, "imagine when you're old and walking with a cane. All those zigzags are going to look like swirls and make you look more like a cirque du soleil freak than you do now."

Renji blinked at her and aggravation rose in her chest as she realized his hand was still on his head.

"Get your hand off of my head, I am not your pet," she finally ordered and he instantly complied. She walked out of the lecture hall and realized he never told her why he got those tattoos, "Whatever possessed you to get them by the way?"

"Oh," Renji's cheeks crimsoned, he cleared his throat and replied, "I lost a bet."

"A bet," Rukia was amused.

"Yep, I was drunk one night with Ikkaku and we had a bet to see who could get this one girl's number," Renji nervously looked away.

"You lost," Rukia chuckled.

"Actually," Renji grinned, "we both did that's why he's bald and has purple tattooed on his eyes."

"Why is he still bald," Rukia wondered aloud.

"I think he liked it something about easy maintenance, so he's had it shaved for a while now."

"You got the worse of the two," Rukia eyed his tattoos.

"Hey," Renji thrusted a thumb at his chest and stated proudly, "I never go back on a deal. Besides it fits my image."

"What a circus clown?" Rukia smirk.

Renji sighed as he continued walking with his childhood friend, sure, her sense of humor was dry, but he never put up any argument. That was just the way she was and he accepted that just like she accepted him.

"Rukia, Renji," a perky voice called out to them and they stopped and turned around being greeted by a waving and bouncing Matsumoto Rangiku. She quickly walked over to them and hugged Rukia to her… gracious bosom, "Rukia! It's good to see you!"

"Weav jush save itch opper doo pours iggo," Rukia's muffled voice cried out as she was being suffocated by the breasts of doom.

"What," Matsumoto let go of the petite girl allowing the red faced Rukia to gasp for breath as she repeated between breaths, "We just saw each two hours ago."

"Yes, but I missed you that much," Matsumoto smiled her lips forming a Trident commercial worthy smile that Rukia never seemed to be able to do. Rukia glared up at the tall girl as she said under her breath, "Whatever…"

"Aw, what's gotten your panties in a twist," Matsumoto's smile grew wider as Rukia coughed in embarrassment.

"My panties are not twisted, thank you very much," Rukia said as she held a fist to her mouth to cover her coughs, "if you are so concerned about my panties then you should be concerned about your bra or the lack of one."

Matsumoto laughed heartily as she pressed her arms together amplifying, if that was even possible, her breasts and swaying them in front of her face causing Renji's face to redden and making him look away, "What Rukia? Are you jealous of these little old things?"

"Little is not the word to describe them," an icy voice said and the three turned their heads to see Hitsugaya Toshiro walking up to them.

Matsumoto waved off Toshiro's comment as she looked back at Rukia and jested, "Don't worry hun, your breasts will grow! You're just going to have to believe!"

Rukia blinked at Matsumoto allowing a rare moment of not knowing what to say wash over her.

"Besides when you do, I promise that I'll hold you up to this entire college and reenact the scene from Lion King showing off your newly found breasts," Matsumoto laughed. This provided Rukia with one of the more bizarre mental images in her life, Matsumoto holding Rukia up in the air by her armpits on Pride Rock with a mass of animals bowing down below. Renji as Rafiki, the mandrill with the bright red ass, and Toushiro as Zazu, the annoying hornbill or toucan bird-thing, bowing behind Matsumoto watching the scene before them. And to Rukia's horror, there were two volleyball sized bumps on her chest rivaling Matsumoto's breasts.

Rukia turned sharply on her heel, "And with that I am leaving."

Really, one mental image of that caliber was enough for her today.

Matsumoto watched the petite girl retreating with laughter and she waited until Rukia almost turned the corner before cupping her hands around her mouth and yelling at her, "Rukia! You need to get laid to get that stick out of your ass!"

People were staring at both Rukia and Matsumoto. Rukia froze and much to Matsumoto's delight a vein popped out of her neck before finally turning the corner and out of their view. Renji and Toshiro had to hold back chuckles as Matsumoto returned her attention to the men.

"You play around with her too much," Renji grinned.

Toshiro nodded his head with his hands in his pockets and eyes looking away from the two, feigning boredom.

"Then maybe I should play with Toshiro then," and with that Matsumoto attached herself to a startled Toshiro, smothering him with her breasts.

"I'm right about the getting laid part," Matsumoto seriously stated as she looked at Renji and held the struggling Toshiro against her breasts harder, securing her hold on him.

"Yeah," Renji blushed as he looked off to the side. He then added as he looked back at Matsumoto, "she seems lonely."

"As if she would ever admit being lonely," Matsumoto concluded, "She needs a man."

She sighed as she finally released Toshiro with a grand sweeping of her arms to her side. Toshiro was gasping for air as he started straightening his appearance and wiping imaginary dust off his sleeves.

"You guys have no business talking." He glared at his two friends, still a little red in the face.

"Yeah whatever happened to you and her," Matsumoto disregard herself from Toshiro's comment as they looked at the red faced Renji.

"We were young, it wasn't very serious I guess," He said as he scratched his chin, "anyways that was long ago and we decided to stay just friends."

"Or she decided and you just complied," Matsumoto smirked.

"Shut up," Renji glared as Matsumoto's statement hit the mark.

"What," Matsumoto grinned as she started walking away, dismissing the two guys with a flick of her wrist, "you're just mad cause you want what you can't have."

Renji contemplated flipping her off when Toshiro snorted through his nose, clearly amused with Renji's non-existent love life. Renji rolled his eyes and walked off following Matsumoto and he heard Toshiro's footsteps behind him, today was going to be one hell of a hard day.

Rukia's ears burned as she recalled Matsumoto's statement.

* * *

"I do not need to get laid," she growled loudly earning weird looks from the people surrounding her, earning them an instant glare.

Sure she didn't have a love life, but she wasn't completely pathetic. She has had boyfriends, well… one, but did Renji count? They never really did anything, they were in high school and it wasn't really serious seeing how all they did was hold hands and study together. She didn't even really like him in that way, only agreeing to go out with him because she didn't want to lose his friendship. They were childhood friends, dammit!—Going out with him was like going out with her brother!

She shuddered at the thought and entered the library. She smiled as she surrounded herself with the familiar sights of the old books, sure modern technology had enabled massive amounts of information to be accessed in databases and the internet, but nothing could beat the look and feel of a good book. Call her old school, but she would take a thick worn out book over a new computer with a fast modem any day.

Rukia wiped a hand over her face imaging all her stress being washed away. Besides Renji and her only last barely over a month, it was just too… awkward. So she never had a real relationship unless you counted Kaien, but even _that_ wouldn't have been considered one. So did she really have two boyfriends?—No, neither of them counts… Besides she was too tired to think of Kaien and she quickly shook her head banishing him from all her thoughts.

"Maybe I do need to get laid," Rukia said tiredly as she closed her eyes and stood in front of the rack of books.

"WHAT!" A voice interrupted her thoughts and her eyes instantly flashed open and she looked quickly to her side to see a young brunette male run comically at her with a wild expression on his face. Terror and shock made Rukia paralyzed as her eyes almost popped out of her head, "What the hell are y—"

"Uff" Rukia gasped as the wind was knocked out of her and she was tackled down, pinned to the ground by the brunette. She glanced at him peeking through one eye looking at his wild expression, his eyes were dancing and his cheeks were tinted pink, he looked like a dog begging for a treat.

"What did you say," he asked cheerfully.

Her face, she imagined, would have been priceless to see. As she felt the corner of her lips pulled up and into an awkward smile, her eyes were a mixture of confusion and disgust, and her eyebrows were knitted together.

"I said nothing," she finally said as the boy panted. She rolled her eyes, yep, he's a dog.

"Not what I heard," he all, but howled, "you said you needed to get laid!"

Then realization dawned on Rukia, he must have been standing on the other side of the rack when she said this to herself.

"Oh God," Rukia muttered darkly to herself cursing her luck. She was most likely going to get raped by this freak in the library and all because she took Matsumoto's advice too seriously. She glared up at the boy who was trying to hug her to his chest.

"Oh hell no," Rukia gritted between her teeth as she wrapped her left arm around his shoulder and her left leg around his leg. He looked at her in shock and before he could respond, she pushed his unrestrained shoulder, arched her back, and bridged their bodies forcing him to tumble to his restrained side, onto his back, and allowing her to pin him on top.

Rukia glared down at him and patted herself on the back triumphantly in her mind. Although when she looked down at him again, his smile was wider and he gave her a thumbs up as his face was practically sparkle and sunshine, "So you wanna be on top, I have no problems."

Oh, there was a problem and Rukia bit her lip and clenched her fist to her face as she inhaled deeply trying to control the rage that was building within. She wouldn't hurt this pest too much, just break his arm. That will teach him to tackle innocent girls just because he was eavesdropping on their talking… to themselves. Her eyebrows knitted together and she shook her head, she felt angry and this tick on the ass of society was just going to have to pay.

She straddled him with her legs, tightening their hold and grabbed his wrist forcing his hand to his face making his elbow into a ninety degree angle. His smile grew even wider, if that was even possible, and she heard him gasp, "This is the best day of my life!"

She bit her lip and controlled her rage as she used her free hand to snake under his elbow and grabbed onto her wrist, trapping his elbow between her arms. She glanced at him from the corner if her eyes and smirked, he was still unaware of her true intentions and was happily in Lala Land, population: 1, "Say hello to a world of hurt."

She kept his wrist pinned down as she brought his elbow out closer to his body and slowly lifted it up with her arms, wrist still pinned down. A howl of pain greeted her ears as she continued slowly lifting up his elbow, now he was begging her to release him. Rukia laughed darkly to herself as she said to him, "That's the Keylock, now do you want to see the Kimura?"

Pain glazed at his eyes and his face was a look of pure terror, "The Ki-Kimura?"

"Yes," Rukia smirked, "it's my favorite and one of the more painful."

He started screaming a shrill girly scream and another voice yelled, "Keigo! What the hell are you doing?"

Rukia looked behind her to see two guys running towards them, one was short and normal looking and the other was tall and orange headed. She blinked as she muttered, "Orange?"

She released her hold on who she assumed was Keigo, tears now streaming down his face, and stood up dusting dirt off her hands.

"What the hell did you do this time," The orange haired man scowled darkly at the crying Keigo.

"That bastard tackled me out of nowhere and pinned me to the ground," Rukia glared down at him, her arms across her chest.

"You did what," the orange haired boy yelled as he kicked Keigo in the stomach.

Rukia watched the scene before her in amusement, sure she was still pissed, but she wouldn't have beaten that brown headed bastard up _that_ much. Now this carrot top was taking care of her problems without her having to lift her finger. After about five minutes of a horrible beating, Keigo was bowing in front of her with a bloody nose and tears running down his face like a river, "I'm sorry my beautiful goddess! Please don't hate me! I could never bear with myself if you hated me!"

Rukia just blinked, not knowing what to say, she tapped his head with her hand like he was a dog, "I guess it's alright…"

Keigo quickly glanced up at her with a smile and glint in his eyes and leaped up at her trying to hug her, but was stopped with the carrot top's foot in his face.

"Will you quit this shit," he growled as Keigo was wailing and rolling on the floor.

Rukia looked over to her side to see a gently smiling man looking at her; he stretched his hand out, "My name's Kojima Mizuiro, pleasure to meet you."

"Kuchiki Rukia," she looked at him skeptically as she accepted his outstretch hand in a handshake. He was too normal and calm to be with these two wierdos.

"Don't worry, I'm only interested in older women although you are quite pretty," Mizuiro said with a smile before watching the other two. Rukia's face dropped, never mind, he fits in perfectly with this group. She turned on her heel and started walking away, the peace of the library was now destroyed for the day. She walked out of the library into the halls and turned the corner only to hear someone roughly yelling, "Hey, wait."

Rukia stopped and arched an eyebrow waiting to see the owner of the voice. She saw a flash of orange and she blinked before it registered that it was the boy who kicked her potential rapist's ass for her, although she didn't need the help, she was doing a fine job introducing Keigo to a world of pain with her handy self defense skills before he arrived. She turned around and continued walking, dismissing the boy.

"Hey, I said to wait," a rough hand stopped her from taking another step and she snapped her head in annoyance, "What do you want?"

"I want a thank you," He scowled as he thrusted his hands in his pockets.

Rukia snorted a very unladylike snort and her eyebrows shot up in disbelief, "Are you kidding me?—you're not going to get any gratitude from me."

He scowled and glared at the petite girl in front of him, "I just saved your ass from a pervert and you're not going to say thank you!"

"I was doing a fine job taking care of him myself before you barged in like a banshee trying to act like a hero, if you hadn't noticed I had him pinned down and he was in pain," she stated with a roll of her eyes.

"Like hell you did, he was getting ready to grope your ass while you supposedly had him 'pinned down,'" he did air quotations with his fingers when he said pinned down which added to Rukia's annoyance.

"I don't know what freaking comic book you live in where you think that you were the Clark Kent to my Lois Lane, but I didn't need any help. Besides why the hell would it matter if I said thank you or not," Rukia growled in annoyance and crossed her arms against her chest.

Ichigo snorted and looked down at her using his height to intimidate her, "Unlike you, I believe in manners and if someone saves another person then that person should at least say a thank you."

Rukia's clenched a fist in annoyance and ground her teeth, was he looking down on her? Oh, that's a big mistake, the last person that did that had a ruler shoved down his throat and had "I'm a dumbass" written across his forehead with a permanent marker for a week. He was going to regret looking down at her; he's going to be the one thanking her for not killing him when she was through with him.

"I do not owe you anything when you did absolutely nothing to help me," Rukia hissed, she could feel a vein pop out of her forehead.

"Bullsh—"his eyes widened as he looked down to see her fist connected to his stomach. Did she just punch him? Hell, she was freaking strong for her size. That punch actually hurt…

"I said that I didn't owe you anything. Next time, keep that friend of yours on a leash before I come after you instead of him," her voice was low and dangerous and her eyes pierced through his.

"You freaking bitch," he glared, he could ignore the pain in his stomach, he had bigger things to worry him right now, like this demented girl that he regrettably helped.

"Yes, I'm a bitch," she smiled sweetly which scared him even more than the punch did, "and now this bitch is leaving."

He couldn't help himself from calling out to her as she was walking away, "Hey! I'm Kurosaki Ichigo and the next time I see you I want a thank you and an apology you human reject!"

Then she did something that he didn't expect, she started laughing. She held her stomach and doubled over as if what he said was the most hilarious thing in the world and he glared at her before turning on his heel and walking back to the library.

All he heard when he turned the corner was her calling out to him in the middle of laughing, "See you later, ya' fruit!"

He scowled and instantly knew why she was laughing, but he would deal with that girl laughter, he had to make sure Keigo was still breathing.

* * *

It was a complete joy to write this story. The idea came to me while I was daydreaming listening to "Golden" by Aslyn and I was like "Hey, this can fit Rukia!" And it was like a perfect jigsaw puzzle, the pieces laid perfectly before me and I said to myself, "I need to not write something depressing..." Since I usually write whenever my mood finds fitting and I have so many daydreams that can be story-worthy, but I am too lazy to type them.... Bad excuse, I know... haha. So Volia!-I wrote this and I completely adore it.

So my lovely readers, ya know what to do... see that green button below? Press it, I dare you-no, I double dog dare you! I will update The Divine Conspiracy and The Junk Industry Blues soon, well hopefully soon it's really up for my mood swings to decide.

I always wondered why Renji got those tattoos in the first place and well my imagination got the better of me... haha

Oh btw, listen to "Golden" its a fantastic song and maybe you'll see why I think it's suits our oh-so-adorable Rukia so well!

Read, Review and Enjoy!

Hayden Days


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